Trump Temptations: The Billionaire and the Bellboy

Mila Dean January 31, 2016 1,080

I read this book and tweeted while I did so. Here’s the result: (spoilers)

Okay kids. The book we're reading today can be found here: https://t.co/SFgW9wCqfn #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

The tagline on Amazon is "He was a billionaire, I was a bellboy, can I make it anymore obvious?" #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

This should take a little over a half hour. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

HAHA. "What the fuck are you doing?" Author's note. Good start. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

A wide-eyed innocent Michigan boy in the big city of Japan. I like where this is going. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I like that I know @aguywithnolife wrote this while drunk. #TrumpTemptations. It makes the spelling errors so much better.

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

"My loins trembled as the scent of toupee adhesive…" IT'S THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. bahahaha #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Soggy. Cheeto. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

This is going to take longer than a half hour at this rate. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

"His voice wrapped around my body like queso around a smothered burrito." #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I love all these references to Trump being a horse. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

An ass compared to a stack of pancakes. My heart flutters. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

DONK #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

"I didn't come here to find love, but did love find me?" HOW IS THIS SO GLORIOUS THIS EARLY ON? #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Holy fuck. This… it's like …
it's beautiful.#TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

The second chapter is called Blood Sausage. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

That's right, bellboy. You CAN'T fight it anymore.

Even though you've only been debating this for 2 lines. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

New term: purple-headed yogurt slinger. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Blood sausage does, indeed, reference what you might imagine it to. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I'm appreciative of how this bellboy's roommate speaks to him. I like Nickole already. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

OVERFLOWING FLESH TOILET.
I think I might be in love with @aguywithnolife #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

"Oh, okay. Go get that dick boo." – Nickole #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

…his nickname is "The Donald", but I'm pretty sure they mean "Daddy". #TrumpTemptations . This has been so worth it.

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

So Far:
Bulging blood sausage
Purple-headed yogurt slinger
Meat Monster.#TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I totally would have paid 3 dollars for this. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

The existential crisis of finding love and being afraid of it is rife in this story. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Giant melting fat carrot. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

"You know why I asked you here." -Trump #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I might have just gagged at the idea of a stream self tanner. You'll never know. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

OH MY GOD THERE ARE TAILS. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

AHAHAHA!!!!!! He's a reptilian. Oh my god in heaven, I can't stop smiling. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Poor bellboy. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Are you kidding me. That's the end? I WANT MORE. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I still would have paid 3 dollars to read this. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

There are subtleties I was not able to convey. So you should read it. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

PS – There was nothing subtle about this. Read it anyway. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

It took me SO little time to read it, I turned around and read it again:

Hong Kong, not Japan. Sorry. Yes, I'm rereading it. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Where did I get Japan from? #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I'm a little disappointed in the lack of kinky sex as promised by the "cover" of this book. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I really hope this upsets Donald Trump in a fundamental way. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Helen seems like a bitch. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

See, now that I'm aware that it's Hong Kong and not Japan, the "made in China" joke makes more sense. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I feel like maybe I should have been drunk while reading this, given the author's drunkness while writing it. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I want to read more about Nickole. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

This motherfucker went shopping, got himself dressed up, and got back to Trump in 2 hours. He's a unicorn. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I'm guessing he had to have also taken care of himself, if you know what I mean.

You do. I mean he jerked off.#TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

Second read done. It's so nuanced that I picked up on things I didn't see the first time.

Like how it's not set in Japan #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

I'm still recommending this book to everyone. I mean, come on. I just read it twice. #TrumpTemptations

— Rabies (@Rabies) January 31, 2016

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