After the recap we open on some sneaky Chitauri metal transactions and it turns out that they are smack dab in the middle of a S.H.I.E.L.D. bust May and Handsomeface come in punching and managing to beat the crap out of everyone.

Holy crap… the companions just sad “Embrace the change…”

Bad guy gets hustled into the elevator thanks to some Batteries Not Included action and Skye manages to hack the elevator sending our snitch right to the roof and into the hands of… Agent Hand. How handy.

Back on the bus and the core team is having a bit of a sidebar while they are mobbed with red shirts. Well technically they are blue jackets, but really they are disposable agents. Look for a high body count this episode.

Looks like the main focus for Agent Hand is taking down Centipede, Skye sets off the alarm and Hand isn’t too pleased she shows Skye the door and Ward argues but May says to drop Skye like her bad hacking habit.

NOBODY TOUCH LOLA!

Coulson is back in Tahiti aka LMD-LA-Land, smelling salts bring him around. Phil is pissed and starts messing with his torturer. Gotta love the balls on him.

The bad guys pull out what looks like an EZ-grabber…

My mistake, cattle prod. Much more intimidating.

Skye is hacking with ONE HAND BEHIND HER BACK. BOOM. Her anti-hacking bracelet kicks in and takes down the Starbucks WiFi and she beats a quick exit. A good call before all those ‘writers’ go apeshit. She goes low tech with what looks like a Newsweek. She goes Emma Peel on us, you know The Avengers. Not, not those Avengers. The British ones.

Back on the bus and apparently Fitz is a dumbass and disregards safety goggles.

Handsomeface isn’t amused and decides to take interrogation matters into his own hands.

Meanwhile, Skye goes with Plan B which involves driving straight into a concrete divider.

Phil is put back into bed, which is more like a kinky S&M situation. Dummies included. Ha, at least he had something up his sleeves. Phil manages to uncuff himself while back on the bus Handsomeface uses extreme sports for interrogation.

Interesting, Centipede took Phil to Science City Zero! Oh, it’s not nearly that cool. Ok, but wait Phil has turned into Oldboy.

Skye gets to some house and it looks like it is one of the members of Wu Tang or some douche with a Warhol replica. Skye pretends to be May and doesn’t do too bad of a job of it, not 100% like a kid wearing their parent’s coat.

Agent Hand and Co are pursuing Centipede via Chitauri tech still and don’t seem to give too many fucks about Phil. Hand is getting handling by Fury and Hill, luckily someone is busting her chops.

Crazy prison guy thought he knew what the clairvoyant wanted but turns out homeboy got dissed big time and had to handle the call over. Apparently the clairvoyant is into bubonic plague via ear. Seems familiar, like maybe some Starktech used in Ironman (the first one). Maybe ULTRON is using is?

Handsomeface and May have a heart to heart about Skye, turns out May has more faith in Skye than let on. May pulls a Maverick and turns the plan around, in midair.

Skye doles out some parental advice to Scrooge McDouche and manages to takedown the neighborhood watch.

The clairvoyant, hmm could this be perhaps Ultron? It would make a whole lot of sense. Intelligence based on Tony Stark, inventing future tech, smells of Spader?

Mina wants Coulson to go all brain Point Break and figure out why he was all dead and now he is cruising around in Lola.

Back to bi-proxy hacking, Skye manages to pull off a pretty decent hostage situation.

Coulson is back to debate club with Mina, she is using some good points onto why he needs to know why shield diddled with his life. Mina even knows about Phil’s ex, low blow Centipede. Low blow.

Man, Phil is all kinds of CIA encoded Bluebird style with Tahiti.

Looks like Phil is going to let them marinate his brain a bit.

The companions gives Handsomeface a super cool stinging device and Skye phones a friend to let her team know she has got a solid lead on Phil.

Oh my, I think Phil was just super smooth and hit on Mina. Phil is in Tahiti getting a massage and drinks, all of the sudden Sheppard Book shows up in scrubs to demand answers.

They are back to Science City Zero not as cool a place as Science City Zero and that place is pants on head weird, gotta love it when someone yells, “there is no where to run” and they get clocked by a car. The team goes for a dramatic pose and Handsomeface goes to tackle centipede solider. May takes down two quicker than Ice Cube did to put out a Barbershop sequel.

Handsomeface makes the centipede solider eat the world’s most dramatic life saver.

We get a Sam Jackson cameo and some really menacing looking equipment. Good lord they are super mapping Phil’s brain. He just wanted to die and they gave him the worst noogie in the world.

Skye is first on the scene with May shortly behind her. But seriously… WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO HIS BRAIN.

Phil is back no worse for wear, at least his wit is back at full strength. Hand and Phil get a handshake out of the way to dispose of pleasantries.

The team mob Phil like he is Arnold in Kindergarten Cop, he seems relieved but also maybe stressed they the ultimate sowing machine was tickling his brain.

Ok, let me lay this theory on you dear reading. By mapping the human brain they gave rise to Ultron.

Sheppard Book has a Phil in the back of his car, turns out Fury pulled a bunch of strings to be able to bring Phil back. Turns out the machine was messing with Phil’s mind to spare him the horror of what he had endured. Phil pulls a Batman and slips out of the car, because we all know pimps don’t cry.

Stinger

Turns out Mike Peterson wasn’t so dead after all, his down to one leg and some nasty burns and he now has an eyespy eyeball and is sucked into bad guys plan again.