We start out in space, speaking of gods and myth. Asgard and Thor are mentioned immediately. Crossover! “Our all the other deities aliens too?” Damn, is this show just begging for protests?

 
Skye wants Thor. “He’s dreamy!” I guess Skye is going to have to work this out with Jane Foster – Black Swan style.

We go to Norway. A couple cops or park rangers or something in the woods. Now we go to a hippie-looking couple. Are they gonna hold hands and cry for the trees?

 

 
Nope, they are going to cut it down. So now you have religious fanatics AND environmentalists that are going to protest the show! There is a bong inside the tree. Oh wait, no it’s a staff. I got excited for a minute. Well. they are hippies, they could always turn it into a bong.

The girl grabs it with her bare hands and it lights up. “Don’t hide from it’s power, embrace it!” See? I knew they were just gonna get high with it. Whoa! She just hodoukened the park ranger and he flew about 30 feet.

And we join the SHIELD heroes. Is Handsomeface hitting on the Hot Scientist? Love triangle!

 

 
Well it is not Chitauri…It’s Asgardian. “We are Gods” is burning on the street. Are we sure they aren’t just Kanye fans?

 
-COMMERCIAL BREAK

 
They are a Norse Paganist Hate Group. Worst. Hippies. Ever.

 

Maybe we should just call Thor? Tried. Cell service down or something. Nick Fury gets a name drop too. Coulson got those connects, yo.

 
There are 2 other pieces to the staff according to legend. “What if it called them…with magic!” Total coincidence, btw, but in just one hour we have an exclusive new David Blaine special! Right here on ABC!

 

 

OK, so a warrior in the Berzerker Army from Asgard would get uncontrollable rage from the staff. He came to earth to fight and instead fell in love with life and humanity. He chose to stay behind, and broke the staff in 3 pieces and hid them. Professor Randolph also hits on Hot Scientist. Fitz is NOT amused. Wait ’til he finds out about Handsomface.

 
Handsomeface and Sky are ghosthunting near Canada. They find the professor and he kicks Handsomeface’s ass. Handsomeface grabs the staff, power enters him. Professor gets staff and runs outside right into the Norse Pagan Hate Group.

 
-COMMERCIAL BREAK

 
We come back and Handsomeface is upset that he has to save Hot Scientist again. It’s only episode 8, dude, get used to it.  Coulson denigrates “Gods from Heaven” as “Aliens from Space”

 
Handsomeface going nuts on the heavy bag. It seems to me that an “uncontrollable rage” shouldn’t be, you know, controlled?  But, here we are.  May enters “The last thing you need is to punch things”  Bow chicka wow wow?

 
Cut to an underground fight club. This would be pretty bad ass, actually.  A live action Street Fighter with distinctly Europeans. What could go wrong?

 

Handsomeface tells Coulson he feels he has been compromised from the weapon. He’s distracted by visions of his brother. “It’s the first time I’ve felt hate. It won’t go away.” “Let your rage out on the professor.”

 
Coulson goes to stab professor and he stops it easily. He’s Asgardian. Coulson relieved “That would have been embarrassing.”

 
-COMMERCIAL BREAK

 
The professor is indeed the Asgardian warrior that stayed. Skye – “This guy has lived through all the scary stuff. The crusades, Black Death…Disco.” Seriously? Skye said that. Not a 40 something writer.  At all.

 

Had to give up the story. “Were you captured? Tortured?” “Horny.” It was for a French chick. Understandable. Her brother priest (priest brother?) wrote the poem. The staff will interact with whoever holds that. Coulson threatens to expose the professor if he doesn’t talk. He knows Thor! Coulson – the ultimate name dropper.

 
Professor tells Handsomeface the feeling should wear off in a few decades. He gets angry. You wouldn’t like him…wrong hero.

 
-COMMERCIAL BREAK

 
Handsomeface is taking on the entire congregation. Interspersed with flashbacks of a boy in the well. “Throw him the rope I’ll throw you in there too!” Doesn’t throw the rope. Back to present and everybody is on the floor knocked out. Handsomface drops the staff.

 
May eters “This time, let me help.” She totally kicks ass with all 3 staffs. “How did you hold all 3?” “I see it every day.” That’s her secret, Cap.

Coulson talking to the professor. “I was killed…almost…Kind of hazy on that. You should consider Portland. I’ll introduce you to Thor.” Showoff.

 
And Handsomeface walks into the room with May. Is there anyone on this show he won’t bang?

 
-COMMERCIAL BREAK

 
Stinger time. Coulson in Tahiti, enjoying a drink on a lawn chair. Wakes up in a lab/hospital room. Tahiti all a dream? Program?

 
-CREDITS

 
I thought it was a pretty bad episode. Unfortunately this show has had some good episodes and some bad episodes, but no great episodes. I really hope they get some consistency. Still a lot of potential but it is getting squandered weekly.