Welcome to another installment of Play by Play Network TV. Does that sound cool?

Special Guest this week, Pat! Pat is RED and Charles is BLUE

He kicks things off with Sierra Nevada Pale ale doesn’t taste great after two bowls of Frankenberry. 

Pudong is down in China, with some old school Filter. Spader reminds us he ruled the early 90s.

Big Trouble in Little Pudong for the win.

HACKING! With an extra hand, but not a helping hand.

I feel like you should wipe some blood off the severed finger before you use the print analyzer. That is just bad for electronics all the blood in there.

Lizzy laments her unlucky floor boards, hopefully the Chinese don’t find out about this.

I am most alarmed that her husband looks so much like a hipster in all of his passport photos.

He was a super secret double agent before it was cool.

‘you want me to whack phone books?’

Okay… so she is going to umm… plant his stuff in the garden? Well, at least we know what to use phonebooks for these days.

Wait.. Steve Irwin (too soon?) is his contact? Also, don’t fuck with Spader’s chess. And he refers to his hobby as it is fapping.

At least he plays with himself in private…unlike most of the other creepy guys in that park.

I think this bastard stole my grandfather’s reading glasses. Oh like hiding shit under the floorboards. Jesus spelling. What is he Hipster Edgar Allan Spy Poe?

The tell tale douche

This is some Dark Knight business with the ballistics.

Lizzy apparently thinks she is married to hank and goes with the purple blouse. Of course Spader has a hat emporium he sequesters to. But unofficially, he is big time into HaNDling business.

Spader is really up on the sexual innuendo this episode. If he IS her dad shouldn’t he lay off the G spot talk? We are getting into some Luke Skywalker shit here.

Maybe he’s into some Game of Thrones style action. Is it me or does the CIA agent talk WAAAAAY too fast? Who spies the spy killers? Lizzy. Purple Lizzy. They’re spy killers Marie!

Pretty Face McGee over there is really bothering me with is name. Ressler is one of the guys who invented profiling and it has to be a reference to him…but why?

Hipster husband is off on some hardcore physical therapy wheelchairing music. Wait… are the village people breaking in?

Yeah maybe the Village People as they look now. Oh, yeah sure those guys can move that fast…maybe if the last twinkie was up for grabs but not that quietly.

I like the ‘revolving door cam’

So this Neckbeard Chinese hacker guy stayed at a holiday inn last night? And he made that magic-box out of his room safe? Fucking Neckbeard Chinese hackers.

Am I the only one that think Lizzy looks like she was kicked in the face by a mule?

Apparently Spader is getting his sunglasses from Bono now.

The CIA is never wrong about fake nicotine patches. Better late than Spader. Oh I’ve never been wanded before, let me be sassy about it, way to almost blow your cover Lizzy.

Spader probably has a gun in his jaw. Did the CIA really not see a FINGERPRINT SCAN coming? I don’t think I would want to go undercover for the CIA given apparently they don’t know what the hell to expect ever.

Hack faster FBI! Randomly enter some DOS jargon, people don’t know DOS anymore, right?

Spader go down the hole.

Commercial break number one!

Annnd we’re back with the high speed elevator.

This dude is probably good with Calculations. I’ll bet you did have a bad experience in a hole in the ground Spades.

It’s a good thing you don’t have a Spader and Lizzy both with the FBI in your base.

Lizzy basically needs to poop in the Chinese secret base toilet. Jesus the government is super impatient.

‘is it possible our agents who have just dropped off the fucking earth could be in danger?’ Way to go CIA.

So they are basically using some Linux chat? Spader doesn’t like getting pwn3d by his allies. Okay, so Lizzy basically just put a wireless dongle into the top secret Chinese laptop?

At least they aren’t using ICQ.

Get me, THE DESKPHONE! They know we’re here… it’s only like we’ve been pretty obvious about spying on the spies.

This is basically that scene from Ghostbusters 2 where Peter and Egon are drilling into the street. Spader’s whole move is to be obstinate and annoyed. Works pretty well.Lizzy looks like she’s never even used a keyboard before.

Spy killer isn’t a fan of the Spader sass special. All units obviously driving very fast to the entrance stand down!

Stand down apparently means to go sirens hot.

Henry, you’ve been CHOsen.

Commercial break numbero two and beer number two.

Limited commercial interruptions indeed. This is why I download shit.

I just grabbed a Shock Top Belgian Wheat. Not sure where the hell it came from.

But hey, at least they commercials are fairly quick. I barely had time to add a shot to this beer.

Ressler wanted to punch the CIA in the face right there.

We have message. We get signal, someone set us up the Chinese. Yes, he is an architect. Why is that surprising?

He was just accidentally wasting our time.

Is the hacker eating a snack? It just sounded like he had a mouthful of carbs. OK, this super spy killer really can’t do emotion that well.

More Spader indigence. Why are people so stupid on this show that are supposed to be smart? Anime Hair is on the job, don’t worry guys.

Seriously, they didn’t. Uh oh. Spader has been busted! USB dongles don’t pay.

Unless you are accusing Spader of being a snappy dresser.

Man, two for flinching and three broken ribs for betraying.

Chinese Ted Mosby needs to pay better attention to his phone.

Architect man never carries him phone with him.

YES laptop beatdown! ‘They triiiied to kill him with a laptop’ Spader doesn’t have time for beating with consumer electronics. Why is the calculator upset that Spader killed a guy he was actively beating to death? Is it like when you are going to break up with a girl but then she breaks up with you first and you all of a sudden want her back?

At least they didn’t hit him with the laptop. SEE that is why you don’t use USB dongles.

Spader doesn’t play for shit. You kill a traitor of mine then a kill someone of yours?

At Lizzy knows how to play off the shooting… kind of.

Couldn’t he have stopped the elevator or something? Instead of probably climbing outside the building with his son? The old kid in under the tarp trick.

Who the hell is this kid again? Was I being snarky when they explained that? you have to respect a killer who keeps shooting when he is dangling for his life from rickety scaffolding.

Well, at least there is no parkour on the scaffolding. Kicked in the head and then off the building  Man, he kicked that tarp RIGHT in the kid. handsomeface isn’t that great of a fighter. Good thing fast talking CIA is a steady shot.

Ressler’s kung fu is better than rando extras’. Not so much with the window though. I hate the CIA agent. I was hoping she would go off the scaffold.

Subtlety is not something the FBI knows much about in this show.

At least Dembe is on the fucking ball. BOOM! secret nicotine spy tracking for the win! That is a plus one for Lizzy.

 

Commercial break number 3 and beer number 3. a Wolf Among Weeds from Golden Road in honor of Spader’s smoothness.

Still on the Shock Top because it is like drinking citrus infused piss.Could still be the Frankenberry.

Wait… Law and Order SVU is still on TV.

 

Honestly, I don’t think Spader liked killing that dude.

Because I am your father. Because I am your father. Uhm of your father. I am definitely not your father. How is she not getting this? She is supposed to be a profiler right? How is she missing that he is obviously her dad?

Wait… so Spader is NOT the father. DAMN YOUR EYES SPADER. NOW KISS.

I am handsome and I think we should probably bone down eventually. That might be the headwound talking. Yeah, Handsome face McWindow slam got his ass handed to him and Spader took care of business without even staining his shirt.

Handsomeface is going for the good job speech? Yeah, he wasn’t so great this mission with the fighting. Yeah, you should feel good about the murder Spader did. Without misplacing a thread of his vest.

So, they couldn’t be assed to parallel park in this show? That is Lizzy’s kryptonite. So this Hipster dude is classified as well? So Lizzy didn’t know this would draw flags? FBI rookie mistake.

Here’s this report. We aren’t telling you shit. But we know. Hey Lizzy, have you ever heard of Rendition?

Spader ordered a Chinese Restaurant menu? OR is that his winning lottery number? Or where Heisenberg buried the money?

Grandpa glasses hipsterhusband is such a softy super spy douchenoodle. I like the finale shot of Lizzy there, so wait who has been watching her house?

Classic Hannibal Lecter shot. Way to get away from the comparisons Blacklist. Those are the numbers from Lost. They have to go back.

oh hai surveillance..

And for how long. THE APPLE MAN! Johnny Appleseed YOU DICKBAG!

Final Thoughts:

I think this is definitely the best episode so far. I liked the Spader interactions in the field and there was less by way of shenanigans from him this time around. I wonder if the husband will cross over with Ironside with that wheelchair? I kind of want that whole thing to resolve sooner rather than later. I hope they don’t drag the Spader is her father thing on too long because it sucks as an audience member to know more than the main character and just keep losing respect for them the more they don’t get it. Yeah and that would be lame if they back off it or try to twist it up to avoid the audience knowing what they were originally going to do.

So i’d rank this episode the strongest of the season thus far, a bit slow to start and attempt to raise the stakes. But i liked Spader’s cold detachment with the kill. Still with the husband with the top secret past and that is going to take a long time to reveal. My theory, Spader is the father and they are monitoring Lizzy for that reason and her whole life is fucked. Spader is trying to bail her out. Agreed, you can only drag that on for so long when we know how the song ends. Unless they try to do a crap swerve.